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Monday, June 18, 2018
HomeFuture SightSocial MediaWhen Requesting Nudes, Don’t…

When Requesting Nudes, Don’t…

Those who know me on a personal level would be thinking, “Is Chem seriously writing about this?” Indeed, I have asked for my fair share of nudes, dabbled in slut shaming and am terrified of becoming famous in case the dick pics are ever leaked. I did however evolve out of it and thought that society did too.

Anybody who is a self-proclaimed expert on societal disruption will tell you that when new tech is introduced, there’s bound to be some chaos in how we use it before the dust settles and the rules develop. Over time, we learn how to be civil but apparently some don’t. This is a post for those okes and okettes who don’t understand that “no” on digital is just as powerful as “no” in person.

This is a post for those who labour under the misapprehension that aggression will get you what you want after you’ve been rejected. This is a post to guys like Dylan who went full fool in requesting nudes from a lady they’ve allegedly never met but think that wearing skimpy clothing equates to loves sending nudes. This is not a crit against Dylan. It’s a crit against what Dylan represents…all of us okes:

Can I See Some Nudes of You?

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There is just so much to unpack here…and it’s only the first of three screen grabs. Firstly, how terrible is the grammar? Of course the dude can see some nudes…if he had them! But evidently he does not! The question he should be asking is, “Excuse me madam, I find you enchantingly attractive. Would you kindly indulge my desires to see your beauty in more a more intimate splendour and forward me images of your true naked self?”

I spent at least 3 hours developing and refining that line but it is effective, only when used sincerely…and there’s the rub…sincerity! Wanting nudes for the sake of having another picture of another person is terrible and exceptionally pointless.

You can find nudes all over the internet without risking your reputation as in this case. Wanting nudes of somebody in particular should be complimentary but very few people actually ask for nudes because of any form of intimate attraction and that’s kinda sad…not as sad as this dude’s continued pursuit in the face of glaringly obvious failure.

On the face of it, asking for nudes is not really any different to asking a lady for a date. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, if you’re asking for a date just to get into the other person’s pants, the lack of sincerity is still there!

I’m going to skim over the “retard” retort because to me, I haven’t properly reflected on how offensive I think the term is so that can be a post for another day!

Getting your Attention!

Yeah, this won’t take too long to explain but asking for nudes so blatantly will certainly gain you some attention but as Dylan is certainly realizing, it’s not the attention that one would want.

Slut Shaming and Dressing like a Slut?

It seems slut walks have achieved very little in the context of this bloke (and by extension, many others). I am of the firm belief that there is still a place in society for slut shaming. For example, where a person actively gives the impression that they will have sex with another person and actively accommodates that persons falling in love with them fully knowing that they harbour no romantic feelings but still take the freebies from the relationship…that’s shameful but perhaps we should find a term for it to distinguish that from what we commonly know as slut shaming.

That’s not the criticism here though. Here Dylan thinks he, and by extension anybody, is entitled to nudes. Naaa! It’s easier for me to come to this realisation because I too dress like a slut but nobody asks me for nudes…I’ll gladly send nudes to Dylan if he asks me but I don’t think he’d know what to do with them.

Anyway, dressing like a slut is subjective. I think nuns are quite hot and have role-played a couple of times with ladies in nun outfits. In my context then, nuns seem slutty! Also in my context, Dylan’s face is dressed in that look that says he’d like to make intimate contact with a fist but unless I ask him, “Hey dude, would you like to be punched in the face?” I can’t be certain that he wants it.

On the whole, Dylan can totally assume for himself whether the subject of his aggression is or isn’t a slut but before he verbalizes or acts on it, he should ask her, “My context and experience makes me believe that the way you dress indicates that you identify as a slut. Do you identify as a slut or should I reevaluate my context?” Only then will he have the complete knowledge to act on his assumptions.

He doesn’t do that here. Instead he auto-assumes “sluttiness” and proceeds to assume traits thereof. He then proceeds to make the claim continuously as a means to insult.

I’m in no position to confirm/deny the extent of sluttiness at play here but I frankly don’t care. As beautiful as the lady is, she’s outside the half+7 rule for me and as a result, I have no desire to even take interest in her sex life. I don’t think many guys get that. It even took me awhile so I’ll spell it out; If you are not going to sleep with somebody, you have no interest in their sex life.

Finally, in the context, being a slut isn’t that much of an insult…unless you’re like a super churchy oke…in which case you probably shouldn’t be asking for nudes…but surely now, calling somebody a slut is like, meh! Things that were insults before have become so neutral now, or at least they should be…like calling people gay, nerds or even hipsters. Owning your identity is way more powerful than being offended by it so sure, call me a slut…I wish!

Anyway…next point:

Know When You’ve Lost:

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If you have to refute your desperation but are only armed with the ability to make the assertion…and that’s only after you’ve recycled your previous non-insult…and that’s only after you’ve pulled your “sticks and stones” variation from they toy-box you’ve kept since you were 5…you’ve lost. You’ve lost to the extent that you should have stopped yesterday.

Conceding defeat is embarrassing, especially to the ego of a young boy who doesn’t get what he wants but it’s better to concede and spare yourself the pain, than to pursue certain defeat.

I will gladly purchase a beer to the first person who brings me an example of anybody who got nudes after saying “I’m not desperate”. There is no need to assert that you’re not desperate. Much like it doesn’t matter whether you think a person is a slut or not, it doesn’t matter if another person thinks you’re desperate (although you would look a fool) so rather avoid engaging in matters regarding your desperation. If somebody raises it, don’t engage it…there is no “come back” to “you’re desperate”

The screen shots go on but they’re not really worth delving into because it’s more or less of the same thing but the responses have been pretty intense. Flooding a dude’s inbox with hate mail probably isn’t the right response because society shouldn’t respond with threats, but rather understanding. If he gets a threat in his mail box, he can brush it off.

If however, he gets a blog post about himself, written by Richard Chemaly, Attorney at Law, in the knowledge that people will be using him as a case study for years to come, he may change his ways and, hopefully, encourage others to as well.

If, though, you are as well versed in the art of millennial insulting as what we became when we put together the How to Millennial guide, you’d know that the greatest way to shame a person is by use of the meme:

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He wanted nudes but he got reverse trolled.

There’s a lesson here: The internet connects people so if you’re going to take on somebody with 2000+ friends, it’s likely that one of them will take issue…stoopid.

There are rules to how we engage sexually with technology. Consent is a big part of it but to explain the rules completely, who am I? I’d rather hand over to the authority of the great Thad Castle:

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Written by

Born and bred in Bloemfontein on a diet of cynicism, brandy and terrible literature, this little boy, disguised as a sane adult, takes comfort in knowing that the world is wrong and is set on proving it. Did we mention he's an attorney with a degree in economics? Rich quit his job, jumped on a train, currently pays rent to hold his stuff in Hillbrow and is actually the most non-attorney attorney around. He's a law firm specializing in Entertainment and Entrepreneurship. He's also moved on to Jack Daniels. You can tweet him @uncle_chem to find out about his un(self)employment adventures.